Helllooo my muffins! Can I take a moment out from craft talk and walks in the park to bore you to tears with a chat about appliances? I mean, we all have them, and we take them for granted, until they don’t work, and then our lives have huge, gaping expensive holes in them until they are fixed or replaced, neither of which is easily done in these Covidian times.

 

How many major appliances have you bought in your life? Not counting existing appliances that came with houses we have bought, I figure we have purchased 4 refrigerators, 2 washing machines, three dryers and 3 stove/ovens. Some of these were inexpensive or apartment sized units. Others, like the Wolf range we bought when we renovated our kitchen 9 years ago, are, or should be, very pricey once-in-a-lifetime investments. Except they’re not. They break down, maybe not as frequently as cheaper appliances, but when they do, they cost more to repair.

 

The Wolf is a 6 burner dual range, with an oven that works as both a conventional and convection one, except the conventional part isn’t functioning, and we need to replace the circuit board, so we convect everything. Furthermore, the hinge on the oven door is broken so it won’t shut properly, which means we have to wedge a kitchen stool against it at all times or the oven light goes on. I’m a lady, and a lady doesn’t discuss money, but we paid about 10 thousand freaking dollars for it in 2011. I can’t remember. I’ve blocked it out. But Wolf does not offer an extended warranty. A local repair shop did offer us one a couple of years ago for $400/year!!! No thanks, we replied, this baby’s gonna last forever!

 

Also, while I’m on the subject, and I completely understand if you have wandered off to deal with something more interesting, like checking your smoke alarms, but have you ever actually cooked on all 6 burners of a 6 burner stove? Unless you’re using Barbie sized pots and pans, it can’t be done. At best, I can fire on 4 burners. The other two are strictly for show.

 

On to the refrigerator. You still with me? Or have you decided to rearrange your sock drawer? We inherited our fridge with the house, and kept it when we renovated because it’s a Sub-Zero and it too should last a lifetime. Not the case. To be fair, we figure it’s got to be about 25 years old, but the light is permanently burnt out, it’s a complete b**ch to clean, and there’s no ice maker, so we are living like complete savages.

 

We have central vacuuming, again, something that came with the house, but it required a complete overhaul a few years ago, and then again stopped sucking sometime around last Christmas. John says there’s probably something stuck in there somewhere, like a dead rat, which is NOT HELPFUL, JOHN. In any case, we make do with a regular vacuum, which itself is 10 years old, so fingers crossed.

 

Now think back to the appliances you had growing up, or the ones your grandparents had. My grandmother had a washing machine she must have bought in the 1940’s, a massive Maytag tub with a wringer that scared me witless, as I imagined that somehow, under what circumstances I can’t imagine, I might be put through it. She had that thing until she passed away, and I bet someone else is still using it today. My mother had an upright Hoover vacuum that we used for at least 25 years. It had a light! For nighttime vacuuming! There are cottages on our lake still using propane stoves and fridges from the fifties. I have lived in century old houses still being heated by their original furnaces. My point, and I will admit it’s not original, is that they don’t make’ em like they used to.

 

I could write another blog – and maybe I will – on small appliances. I have a fancy espresso coffee maker that makes great coffee, but sounds like a 747 taking off, endearing me to all my housemates and probably the neighbours at 4 AM. Don’t get me started on the toaster, which we call the burner, because that’s what it does, no matter what. I could go on and on, but I’ll let you go. You probably need to clean the lint trap in your dryer, or do an inventory of your spice rack. Unless you want to hear about my food processor? No? Because it’s working fine! Ha! Gotcha! Wait! Come back!

 

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