This weekend, the greatest television spectacle known to mankind takes place. No, we’re not talking about re-runs of Golden Girls.  We are talking about the Super Bowl starring Tom Brady. Again. Now if you’re like us, you’d probably rather watch a Parliamentary debate regarding municipal budget allocation than watch the Super Bowl. But, if you’re one of those weirdos who likes watching a 5 hour football game, you’re going to need some food to get you through it. Because let’s be honest, the food is always the best part of the Super Bowl. So we’ve done a little snacking research and are bringing you some wicked food goals. Or touch downs. Whatever it is.

Bacon Cheeseburger Bread

It’s bacon. It’s cheese. It’s bread. The holy trifecta of deliciousness. As if you needed another reason to stuff your maw full of bacon and cheese, we found yet another one.

What you’ll need for this beast:
2 pounds ground beef
30 slices of cheese
All-purpose flour, for dusting
1 1/2 pounds store-bought pizza dough, at room temperature
5 tablespoons ketchup
2 tablespoons yellow mustard
1 medium red onion, finely chopped
12 strips cooked bacon, broken in half
One 32-ounce jar dill pickle chips (35 to 40 chips)
Sesame seeds, for garnish
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1 teaspoon dried onion flakes
1 teaspoon sugar

How to tame this beast:
1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

2. Heat a large skillet over medium heat. Add the beef and cook, stirring to break it up into small crumbles, until cooked through, 8 to 10 minutes. Meanwhile, roughly chop half of the cheese, leaving other half as slices. Set aside.

3. Remove the beef from the skillet and transfer to a large bowl; discard the liquid and fat. Let the beef cool completely in the bowl, then stir in the chopped cheese.

4.Lightly flour a surface and roll the dough into a 20-by-14-inch rectangle. Arrange the beef and cheese mixture evenly on one half of the dough, starting on the shorter end and leaving a 1-inch border on the sides. Drizzle 2 tablespoons ketchup evenly over the beef mixture and the uncovered half of the dough; repeat with all the mustard, and then the red onion. Lay down the remaining cheese slices evenly over the half of the dough with no beef mixture, leaving a 1-inch border on the sides. Arrange the bacon pieces and 24 dill pickle chips just over the beef mixture.

5. Roll up the dough into a log, jelly-roll style. Pinch the open ends together to seal, then tuck them underneath the log. Transfer the log, seam side-down, to the prepared baking sheet, brush all over with water and sprinkle with sesame seeds. Bake, rotating the pan halfway through, until the bread is golden brown, about 40 minutes.

6. As the bread bakes whisk together the mayonnaise, onion flakes, sugar, a pinch of salt and pepper and the remaining 3 tablespoons ketchup, 2 tablespoons finely chopped dill pickle chips and 1 teaspoon pickle brine in a small bowl. Taste, and season the special sauce with additional salt if needed. Let the bread cool for 10 minutes. Slice into 8 pieces and serve warm with the special sauce.

Boom. Bacon Cheeseburger bread. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.